My Dyslexia and Scholarly Vision

In the 1990s, I felt invincible and destined to take academia by the storm while developing the world's best theology and science. I developed many great ideas and sent out many proposals for books and articles, but I never successfully published any article or book until the 2010s.

I overestimated my strengths and underestimated my weaknesses. I knew I suffered from mild dyslexia after I benefited from early childhood intervention that enabled me to learn how to read. However, I did not fully understand that I possess a rare combination of superior matrix reasoning and a learning disability that causes low average brain processing speed, as indicated by recent testing.

1. My childhood and adolescence

Around the age of six in the late 1960s, I remember a kind adult woman who lived two houses down the street. She spent special time with me and even helped me to learn how to ride a bicycle without training wheels. Several years later, I felt surprised when my mom told me that our kind neighbor also worked as my dyslexia therapist. For example, I did not understand that I struggled with a learning disability and that she taught me how to develop communication skills.

During primary and secondary school years at the Millburn Township Public Schools in New Jersey, I typically earned grades of Cs, some Bs, and some As in math. I recall the dread of revising papers during secondary school because I always ended up with new typos when I rewrote or retyped a paper. At the time, I did not know I struggled with mild dyslexia while revising papers. I also did not yet imagine the eventual commonplace of personal computers and word processing.

2. Dropping out of college and then earning a Bachelor of Science

I remember feeling insulted when I started at the Community College of Morris in the fall of 1981 because the college placement tests put me in both remedial English and remedial math. I understood my slowness in reading and writing, but I entered college as a math major while I scored a respectable 600 on my college board math SAT. My pride and impatience overwhelmed me. I pushed the college hard enough and started the fall semester taking precalculus instead of the prescribed remedial math. However, I suffered with complex factoring despite excelling in other areas of math. Instead of slowly building up my skills in remedial math, I earned a D in precalculus. Then, I lost patience in calculus 1. For example, I sometimes correctly answered a question while doing all the work in my head but earned few to zero points for a correct answer because I did not show my work. Also, I sometimes showed my work and made a silly error in addition or subtraction that gave me an incorrect answer, but I ended up with more points for an some incorrect answers showing my work compared to a correct answer without showing my work.

Now, I look back and see that I overstressed without a clear perspective while I struggled with a learning disability. I could not emotionally handle the dilemma of my problems with calculus, and I loved the entertainment industry far more than mathematics. I dropped out of my calculus class and switched my major to communications.

I ended up crashing and burning because excessive marijuana smoking and alcohol binges caught up with me. In July 2013, Carrier Clinic admitted me for inpatient hospital care and treated me for substance abuse and psychotic delusions with hallucinations. After the hospitalization, I tried attending college for the 1983 fall semester but dropped out because I could not concentrate. In September 1984, I once more psychologically snapped and went to another inpatient psychiatric hospital for substance abuse and psychotic delusions with hallucinations.

Fortunately, I turned around and started healthy living after a wonderful spiritual conversion. In the fall of 1985, I went back to college. This time I went for a pastoral and biblical studies degree at a college now called the University of Valley Forge. I enjoyed long hours of study and prayer while integrating various concepts of theology and ministry. I still struggled with slow reading comprehension, but I recall numerous compliments about my spirituality and intellect while I discussed the Bible and theology. I graduated with a 3.0 GPA, above average but not great. Nonetheless, I felt destined to solve many theological problems in the church.

3. Life after graduating college

After I graduated, I married my wonderful wife Laurie, and we moved to State College, Pennsylvania. I started to take one course per semester at Penn State University. I began with two undergraduate courses in writing and eventually developed proficiency in word processing. Over the next two years, I enjoyed taking 10 credits of creative nonfiction writing courses at the Penn State Graduate School while pulling a grade point average of 3.7. However, four things frustrated me, that is, (1) many book proposal rejections; (2) persistent confusion with some of the finer points of grammar and the differences among various style guides, for example, AP, APA, MLA, and Chicago; (3) the slowness of my research and writing processes; and (4) my desire to become an expert of my subjects instead of a reporter.

I also enjoyed exploring the subjects of physics, evolution, and the Old Testament with various Penn State researchers. I recall enjoying compliments for my talent and bravado, but I nonetheless struggled with low average short-term memory. In addition, the remnants of dyslexia during major conflict could result in me struggling with short-term memory loss, stuttering, speech blocks, and vertigo.

Furthermore, I eventually developed sleep apnea that lowered my sleep effectiveness to 33 percent. That is, I needed to sleep 24 hours for me to enjoy the benefits of sleeping 8 hours.

Surgical removal of my tonsils and adenoids along with nasal reformation restored my sleep effectiveness, but I nonetheless failed to advance my career and struggled financially while enjoying my amazing family life with my wife and our four children.

After major financial failure of sinking $1,000 to $2,000 a month in debt while working two part-time jobs and bivocational Christian ministry in a university setting which I loved, I moved my family in July 2003 to take a steady job in the cable industry.

I also shifted to much deeper reflection and analysis while I tried to figure out why I failed at my career goals and what I needed to do to succeed. I furthermore began to develop mastery of searching the internet for scholarly resources.

By 2007, I published only two letters to the editor, both at Perspectives of Science and Christian Faith. I also wrote two archived papers in queue for review at Progress in Complexity, Information and Design (PCID), but PCID abruptly ceased to publish journal issues soon after they said someone would review my papers. Then, I decided to develop a portfolio of articles and start my blog TheoPerspectives. In addition, I needed to resign from my Assemblies of God (AG) ministry credentials for me to publicly teach my newly developed biblical perspective of divine judgement because my perspective fell outside of AG norms.

My analytical and communication skills began to blossom after these years of prayer and independent research. By 2010, I developed a book proposal for a biblical theology while Wipf and Stock Publishers accepted it. I completed the book for publication in 2012, that is, "Conditional Futurism: New Perspective of End-Time Prophecy."

After that, I built upon some of my ideas from the 1990s and published the following peer-reviewed articles despite no postgraduate college degree:

– "Natural Unity and Paradoxes of Legal Persons," Journal Jurisprudence 21 (2014).
– "Identical Legal Entities and the Trinity: Relative-Social Trinitarianism," Journal of Analytic Theology 4 (2016).
– "Semiclassical Theism and the Passage of Planck Times," Theology and Science 14:3 (2016).
– "Theodicy, Supreme Providence, and Semiclassical Theism," Theology and Science (2020).

My original scholarly conjectures in these publications include the universal wormhole, semiclassical cosmology, semiclassical theism, semiclassical Christianity, Relative-Social Trinitarianism, the legal theory of identity, and conditional futurism.

I also enjoyed working as a freelance developmental editor for a theology book and then served as the author's field adviser for his Doctor of Ministry dissertation.

In addition, I enjoy membership in the National Coalition of Independent Scholars.

Now, I envision building upon my research and developing three monographs:

– "Logic, Reality, and Science"
– "Semiclassical Theism"
– "Semiclassical Christianity"

I love working toward my vision. However, my problem follows. I research and write as slow as a tortoise. I sometimes quickly shoot out a first draft based on ideas already integrated in my mind. And I sometimes quickly find new things on the internet, but my overall processes of researching, writing, and revising are slow. For example, I need up to one year of full time writing to professionally write each of the above books while I stand nowhere close to the financial security needed for retirement from my day job.

4) Reflections

I feel thankful for the early childhood intervention that trained me to compensate for dyslexia. I learned satisfactory skills in reading and speaking instead of growing up hopelessly illiterate and stuttering.

I also personally understand prejudice against people with learning disorders. I experienced the following scenarios:

– People negatively judged me for my slowness in some things and my reliance on making lists and notes to keep my focus.
– People accused me of deliberately refusing to help them because they do not understand that I excel in some mental tasks and suffer in others. I impressed some people by resolving difficult problems and then they accused me of holding back because I failed to resolve other difficult problems.
– People with opposing views exploited my weakness while talking to me by repetitively interrupting my speech and rapidly switching subjects back-and-forth over an extended period of time. This instigated me into stuttering, speech blocks, or vertigo. I eventually learned to dodge this scenario most of the time while I continue to develop my communication skills, and I suppose some people try to do this to everybody they oppose while it affects dyslexics and stutterers more than others.

I deeply appreciate the wealth of wisdom available on the internet. If I ever feel confused about word usage or grammar, especially changes from the 1970s to today, I find it on the internet. I also appreciate dictionary audio files when I feel unsure about the pronunciation of a word. In addition, a spell and grammar checker helps me greatly, but every recommendation from the checker needs a judgment call from the author to determine the accuracy of recommendation.

I also appreciate that academia and many businesses try to understand the diversity of thought processes among different people. Prejudice against people with learning disorders continues, but research and education help to expose and eventually heal the prejudice.

-end-

Copyright © 2020 James Edward Goetz

Originally published at https://www.opednews.com/articles/My-Dyslexia-and-Scholarly-by-James-Goetz-Americans-With-Disabilities-Act_Brain_Diversity_Dyslexia-201108-506.html.